TELL the SECRET

1Corinthians 13:4-8

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

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Education, Prevention, Awareness

Cycle of Violence

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Cycle of Violence

The More You Know, the More You Grow!

Tension Building:

Using tactics such as: intimidation, making threats, yelling, getting easily agitated over minor incidents, acting disrespectful or making you feel inferior, talking you into things you typically would not do, criticizing you and your actions or interest.

Violence:

Using violent words or actions towards you in any way Making you fearful,  Hitting, punching, slapping, jerking, or making any unwanted physical gestures towards you.

Seduction:

Also called the honeymoon phase. Apologizing for violent or angry actions, and having excuses for the behavior such as: stress, jealousy, using or abusing alcohol and/or drugs, caring for you too much, or blaming others. Often gifts are offered or promises are made to never act in this way again. Abusers also threaten, either openly or covertly, their partners into giving them another chance. For example, an abuser may say I am so sorry. I need a chance to show you I will change If I don't get that chance, I don't know what I am capable of doing. 

Love:

Caring for the abuser and holding on to the good things about him/her and the good things about the relationship.

Hope:

Hanging onto the promises and apologies given, and trying to give the benefit of the doubt that things will improve.

Fear:

Listening and believing the threats given by the abuser towards you or others or even believing the insults or criticism that the abuser provide. It is important to take threats seriously, as abusers often act on their threats causing harm or even death to the victim Therefore, seeking safety and assistance is strongly recommended. 

Are you experiencing the cycle of violence and need help creating a plan to leave the abuse? Click the button below to get your safety plan. 

 
 

Help is an Open Door to Positive Change!

 

SAFETY ALERT: Computer use can be easily monitored and information is very difficult to completely delete from a computer. If you are afraid that your e-mail, internet or computer use might be monitored, please use a computer that cannot be monitored and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
24-Hour National Domestic Violence Hotline
TDD 1-800-787-3224
www.ndvh.org

Definitions of Various Types of Violence

Domestic Violence: is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.

Family Violence: is when one family or household member physically harms or emotionally abuses another family or household member. A victim of family violence may be a spouse or a partner (both men and women). Family members, such as children, who witness family violence are also considered victims.

Family Violence can take different forms such as:

  • Physical abuse (for example, hitting or using a weapon).

  • Sexual abuse (including rape or any unwanted sexual contact).

  • Emotional abuse (such as threats or humiliation).

  • Financial abuse (such as controlling a person’s money without their permission).

  • Spiritual Abuse (using scripture and/or religious doctrine to control, manipulate and carry out violent or emotionally abusive acts.)

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Teen Dating Violence: is an act of violence done by a person who is in a romantic or intimate relationship with the victim. Dating violence can also take many forms, such as emotional and verbal abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.

Power & Control 

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Power & Control

Love Doesn't Hurt

Power and Control are two elements present to create domestic violence and/or dating violence in a relationship. Power is exerted to convince the victim of abuse to succumb to the will of the abuser. Control is applied to ensure the victim of abuser adheres to will of the abusers wants, desires and perceived needs.

 

Power and Control can manifest in the following areas:

  1. Physical

  2. Mental

  3. Emotional

  4. Spiritual

  5. Financial

  6. Verbal

  7. Social

  8. Children

  9. Sex

  10. Intellectual

  11. Pets & Property

  12. Culture

Children & Domestic Violence

30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household. Source: Edelson, J.L. (1999).

 

“The Overlap Between Child Maltreatment and Woman Battering.” Violence Against Women. 5:134-154.

The single best predictor of children becoming either perpetrators or victims of domestic violence later in life is whether or not they grow up in a home where there is domestic violence.

 

Studies from various countries support the findings that rates of abuse are higher among women whose husbands were abused as children or who saw their mothers being abused. 

 

Source: “Behind Closed Doors: The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children.” UNICEF, Child Protection Section and The Body Shop International (2006).

Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults. Source: Strauss, Gelles, and Smith, “Physical Violence in American Families: Risk Factors and Adaptations to Violence” in 8,145 Families. Transaction Publishers (1990).

Males exposed to domestic violence as children are more likely to engage in domestic violence as adults, and females are more likely to be victims as adults. Source: Whitfield, C., Anda, R., Dube, S., and Felitti, V. (2003).

“Violent childhood experiences and the risk of intimate partner violence as adults.” Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 18(12).

​To learn more about power and control in domestic and dating violence relationships, click  below. 

Are you experiencing the power and control in your relationship and need help creating a plan to leave the abuse? Click the button below to get your safety plan. 

 

Dating Violence

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Dating Violence

Dating Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to refuse a date without feeling guilty.

2. I can ask for a date without feeling rejected or inadequate if the answer is no.

3. I have control of my decisions and actions, and know that my rights end where another's rights begin.

4. I have the responsibility to make positive and healthy decisions for myself, and others

5. If I don't want physical closeness, I have the right to say so.

6. I have the right to start a relationship slowly, to say, I want to know you better before I become involved.

7.  I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others.

8.  I have the right to change a relationship when my feelings change. I can say, We used to be close, but I want something else now. 

9.  If I am told a relationship is changing, I have the right not to blame or change myself to keep it going.

10.  I have the right not to dominate or to be dominated.

11.  I have the right to act one way with one person and a different way with someone else.

12.  I have the right to live my life free of fear from violence and abuse. 

13. I am responsible for my decision making.

14. I am capable of ending or beginning a relationship without shame or guilt.

Are you experiencing dating violence and need help creating a plan to leave the abuse? Click the button below to get your safety plan. 

 

Inspirational Quotes

Wild Nature

JOHN MARK GREEN

“You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.” 

Woodland

LA TOYA JACKSON

“It doesn’t matter how rich or poor a person is, what gender or social class, or how much fame or education she possesses. Verbal, mental, and physical abuse can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter what a woman’s ethnicity is because the only distinguishing color of abuse is black-and-blue.”

Desert Rocks

CHRISTINE MANSON MILLER

“At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.”

Waterfall

UNKNOWN

 “After a while, I looked in the mirror and realized…wow, after all those hurts, scars, and bruises, after all of those trials, I really made it through. I did it. I survived that which was supposed to kill me. So I straightened my crown…and walked away like a boss.”