TELL the SECRET
Dating, Domestic and Family Violence
EDUCATION, AWARENESS & PREVENTION
#TELLtheSECRET is an domestic, dating and family violence education, awareness and prevention program designed to help victims and survivors to escape the confines of secret keeping linked to violence. Through education, training and resources, it is our hope victims and survivors are lead to healing, restoration and freedom from abuse. #TELLtheSECRET provides participants with online campaigns, educational workshops and individual resources and referrals.
1Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."
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Education, Awareness & Prevention
Help is an Open Door to Positive Change!
SAFETY ALERT: Computer use can be easily monitored and information is very difficult to completely delete from a computer. If you are afraid that your e-mail, internet or computer use might be monitored, please use a computer that cannot be monitored and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
24-Hour National Domestic Violence Hotline
TDD 1-800-787-3224
www.ndvh.org
Definitions of Various Types of Violence
Domestic Violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.
Family Violence is when one family or household member physically harms or emotionally abuses another family or household member. A victim of family violence may be a spouse or a partner (both men and women). Family members, such as children, who witness family violence are also considered victims.
Family Violence can take different forms such as:
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Physical abuse (for example, hitting or using a weapon).
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Sexual abuse (including rape or any unwanted sexual contact).
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Emotional abuse (such as threats or humiliation).
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Financial abuse (such as controlling a person’s money without their permission).
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Spiritual Abuse (using scripture and/or religious doctrine to control, manipulate and carry out violent or emotionally abusive acts.)
Teen Dating Violence is an act of violence done by a person who is in a romantic or intimate relationship with the victim. Dating violence can also take many forms, such as emotional and verbal abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.
If you are experience family violence, teen dating violence or domestic violence and you desire to leave your abusive environment contact one or more of the following resources below:
Centers that Provide Temporary Shelter and Support Services (Shelter)
City Shelter Hotline
Abilene Noah Project, Inc.
800-444-3551
Alpine Family Crisis Center of the Big Bend, Inc.
800-834-0654
Amarillo Family Support Services of Amarillo, Inc.
806-374-5433
Angleton Women's Center of Brazoria County, Inc.
800-243-5788
Austin SAFE Alliance
512-267-7233
Bastrop Family Crisis Center
888-311-7755
Bay City The Crisis Center
800-451-9235
Beaumont Family Services of Southeast Texas, Inc.
800-621-8882
Boerne Kendall County Women’s Shelter
800-495-8078
Borger Hutchinson County Crisis Center, Inc.
806-273-2313
Brownsville Friendship of Women, Inc.
956-544-7412
Brownwood The ARK
888-313-2699
Bryan Twin City Mission
979-775-5355
Carrizo Springs Winter garden Women's Shelter, Inc.
800-363-9441
Cleburne Johnson County Family Crisis Center
800-848-3206
Corpus Christi Women's Shelter of South Texas
800-580-4878
Dallas The Family Place
214-941-1991
Dallas Mosaic Family Services
214-823-4434
Dallas The Salvation Army – Carr P. Collins Social Service Center
214-424-7208
Decatur Wise Hope Shelter & Crisis Center
940-626-4855
Denton Denton County Friends of the Family, Inc.
800-572-4031
Dumas Safe Place, Inc.
806-935-2828
El Paso Center Against Family Violence, Inc.
915-593-7300
Fort Worth Safe Haven of Tarrant County
877-701-7233
Galveston Resource & Crisis Center of Galveston County, Inc.
888-919-7233
Garland Hope's Door New Beginning Center, Inc.
972-276-0057
Granbury Mission Granbury, Inc.
817-579-6848
Grand Prairie Brighter Tomorrows, Inc.
972-262-8383
Greenville Women in Need, Inc.
903-454-4357
Harlingen Family Crisis Center, Inc.
956-423-9304
Hempstead Focusing Families
979-826-0000
Hondo Southwest Family Life Centers, Inc.
830-426-5131
Houston Houston Area Women's Center, Inc.
713-528-2121
Humble Family Time Crisis and Counseling Center
281-446-2615
Huntsville SAAFE House
936-291-3369
Jacksonville Crisis Center of Anderson & Cherokee Counties, Inc.
800-232-8519
Kerrville Hill Country CARES, Inc.
830-257-2400
Killeen Families in Crisis, Inc.
254-634-8309
Laredo Casa de Misericordia
800-782-2722
Longview Women's Center of East Texas, Inc.
800-441-5555
Lubbock Women's Protective Services of Lubbock, Inc.
806-747-6491
Lufkin Janelle Grum Family Crisis Center of East Texas
800-828-7233
Marble Falls Highland Lakes Family Crisis Center
830-693-5600
McAllen Women Together Foundation, Inc.
800-580-4879
Midland Safe Place of the Permian Basin, Inc.
432-570-1465
Mineral Wells Hope, Inc.
940-325-1306
Mt. Pleasant SAFE-T Agency (Shelter Agencies for Families in East Texas)
903-575-9999
New Braunfels Crisis Center of Comal County
830-620-4357
Odessa The Crisis Center
800-627-4747
Pampa Tralee Crisis Center for Women, Inc.
800-658-2796
Pasadena The Bridge Over Troubled Waters, Inc.
713-473-2801
Perryton Panhandle Crisis Center, Inc.
800-753-5308
Plainview Crisis Center of the Plains
806-293-7273
Plano Hope's Door New Beginning Center, Inc.
972-276-0057
Plano Texas Muslim Women’s Foundation
972-880-4192
Richmond Fort Bend County Women's Center
281-342-4357
Round Rock Hope Alliance
800-460-7233
San AngeloI CD Bridges, Inc.
800-749-8631
San Antonio Family Violence Prevention Services, Inc.
210-733-8810
San Marcos Hays-Caldwell Women's Center
800-700-4292
Seguin Guadalupe Valley Family Violence Shelter, Inc.
800-834-2033
Sherman Grayson Crisis Center
800-893-5615
Snyder Gateway Family Services
325-578-8054
Texarkana Domestic Violence Prevention, Inc.
903-793-4357
The Woodlands Montgomery County Women's Center
936-441-7273
Tyler East Texas Crisis Center, Inc.
800-595-5591
Victoria Mid-Coast Family Services, Inc.
800-870-0368
Waco Family Abuse Center, Inc.
800-283-8401
Weatherford Freedom House
817-596-8922
Webster Bay Area Turning Point, Inc.
281-286-2525
Wichita Falls First Step, Inc.
800-658-2683
Centers with Support Services Only (Non-Residential Centers)
City Shelter Hotline
Austin Asian Family Support Services of Austin.
877-281-8371
Bonham Fannin County Family Crisis Center
877-583-2855
Eastland County Crisis Center, Inc.
254-629-3223
Gainesville Abigail’s Arms – Cooke County Family Crisis Center
877-846-4751
Houston Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse
713-224-9911
Houston Montrose Counseling Center, Inc.
713-529-3211
Houston Northwest Assistance Ministries
281-885-4673
Pleasanton Atascosa Family Crisis Center, Inc.
877-569-2001
Stephenville Cross Timbers Family Services
866-934-4357
Resources: https://hhs.texas.gov/services/safety/family-violence-program
Disclaimer: All information provided is for educational purposes only. If you or someone you know is
experiencing anything described above contact a medical professional, resources below or emergency assistance in your area if applicable.
Cycle of Violence
The More You Know, the More You Grow!
Tension Building
Using tactics such as: intimidation, making threats, yelling, getting easily agitated over minor incidents, acting disrespectful or making you feel inferior, talking you into things you typically would not do, criticizing you and your actions or interest.
Violence
Using violent words or actions towards you in any way Making you fearful, Hitting, punching, slapping, jerking, or making any unwanted physical gestures towards you.
Seduction
Also called the honeymoon phase. Apologizing for violent or angry actions, and having excuses for the behavior such as: stress, jealousy, using or abusing alcohol and/or drugs, caring for you too much, or blaming others. Often gifts are offered or promises are made to never act in this way again. Abusers also threaten, either openly or covertly, their partners into giving them another chance. For example, an abuser may say I am so sorry. I need a chance to show you I will change If I don't get that chance, I don't know what I am capable of doing.
Love
Caring for the abuser and holding on to the good things about him/her and the good things about the relationship.
Hope
Hanging onto the promises and apologies given, and trying to give the benefit of the doubt that things will improve.
Fear
Listening and believing the threats given by the abuser towards you or others or even believing the insults or criticism that the abuser provide. It is important to take threats seriously, as abusers often act on their threats causing harm or even death to the victim Therefore, seeking safety and assistance is strongly recommended.
Are you experiencing the cycle of violence and need help creating a plan to leave the abuse? Click the button below to get your safety plan.
Power &
Control
Love Doesn't Hurt
Power and Control are two elements present to create domestic violence and/or dating violence in a relationship. Power is exerted to convince the victim of abuse to succumb to the will of the abuser. Control is applied to ensure the victim of abuser adheres to will of the abusers wants, desires and perceived needs.
Power and Control can manifest in the following areas :
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Physical
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Mental
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Emotional
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Spiritual
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Financial
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Verbal
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Social
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Children
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Sex
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Intellectual
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Pets & Property
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Culture
Children & Domestic Violence
30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household. Source: Edelson, J.L. (1999).
“The Overlap Between Child Maltreatment and Woman Battering.” Violence Against Women. 5:134-154.
The single best predictor of children becoming either perpetrators or victims of domestic violence later in life is whether or not they grow up in a home where there is domestic violence.
Studies from various countries support the findings that rates of abuse are higher among women whose husbands were abused as children or who saw their mothers being abused.
Source: “Behind Closed Doors: The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children.” UNICEF, Child Protection Section and The Body Shop International (2006).
Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults. Source: Strauss, Gelles, and Smith, “Physical Violence in American Families: Risk Factors and Adaptations to Violence” in 8,145 Families. Transaction Publishers (1990).
Males exposed to domestic violence as children are more likely to engage in domestic violence as adults, and females are more likely to be victims as adults. Source: Whitfield, C., Anda, R., Dube, S., and Felitti, V. (2003).
“Violent childhood experiences and the risk of intimate partner violence as adults.” Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 18(12).
To learn more about power and control in domestic and dating violence relationships, click below.
Are you experiencing the power and control in your relationship and need help creating a plan to leave the abuse? Click the button below to get your safety plan.
Dating Violence
Dating Bill of Rights
1. I have the right to refuse a date without feeling guilty.
2. I can ask for a date without feeling rejected or inadequate if the answer is no.
3. I have control of my decisions and actions, and know that my rights end where another's rights begin.
4. I have the responsibility to make positive and healthy decisions for myself, and others
5. If I don't want physical closeness, I have the right to say so.
6. I have the right to start a relationship slowly, to say, I want to know you better before I become involved.
7. I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others.
8. I have the right to change a relationship when my feelings change. I can say, We used to be close, but I want something else now.
9. If I am told a relationship is changing, I have the right not to blame or change myself to keep it going.
10. I have the right not to dominate or to be dominated.
11. I have the right to act one way with one person and a different way with someone else.
12. I have the right to live my life free of fear from violence and abuse.
13. I am responsible for my decision making.
14. I am capable of ending or beginning a relationship without shame or guilt.
Are you experiencing dating violence and need help creating a plan to leave the abuse? Click the button below to get your safety plan.